next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
