My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
