I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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