you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I love you. Go after that dick
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
