guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
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