We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
