I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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