There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
