why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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