remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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