Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
