my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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