I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
