i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
