how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
