it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
