I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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