I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
