and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
