Got a toothbrush?
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
