I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
