I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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