I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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