I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
