maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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