Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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