If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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