So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
