Your face is a jimmy john
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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