im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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