it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
