I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
