Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize