Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
