I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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