can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
