I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
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