i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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