I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
