she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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