Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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