I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
