too bad you live with your parents still
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
