Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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