It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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