Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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