6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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