Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
