you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
