you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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