I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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