I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm at about main and main street
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
