i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You are a genius and a whore.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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