If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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