nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
