i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize