Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
