I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
