You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
