So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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