That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
